Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

   People say hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever know anyone who "rested to death?"

   There is really quite nothing like the flavor of a rejected Facebook friendship invitation.

   The key to friendship is to accept the other person's faults. You'll understand this should I ever develop any.

   If you took a Facebook IQ Test and it determined you're a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results.

   If my plane is about to crash, I doubt I'll be using my seat as a "flotation device." More likely, it's gonna be used as a toilet.

   I need a credit card that can afford my lifestyle.

   I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

   Nothing quite takes the place of research like making stuff up.

   I bet the hardest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who's always right.

   I was blinded by your beauty, so I am gonna need your name and number for insurance purposes...

   Wikipedia has its own wikipedia page. Can you say redundant? If you have to wikipedia wikipedia, you have no buisness being on wikipedia.

   When your a standup comedian your not going to make everyone laugh. When your up there on stage half the audience should be laughing, and half the audience should be horrified.

   I took my girlfriend to see the new Twilight movie today. It was bad. The Gulf Of Mexico is in better shape than that movie's plotline.

   I Dont Care if he's a werewolf, its snowing, and the least he could do is put on a f*cking shirt!

   My Foot + your teeth + Contact at a high velocity = Awesome

   Everybody starts out with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before the luck runs out.

   This is no ordinary silly grin on my face, it's an educated one.

   If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?

   Marriage is nature's way of keeping people from fighting with strangers.