Kisstopher Funny Status Messages
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I admit I am hot, but don't blame me for global warming.
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The guy who invented underwear must have sounded crazy.
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What doesn't kill me, might make me kill you.
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A drunk person is just an awesome version of a sober person.
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If you watched a movie of my life backwards it'd be about a guy who refills vodka bottles and puts them back on the self.
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For me, the sexiest part of a woman is her mind coz that's where she decides if she's going to have sex with you or not.
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Bro she just called you blind! OH HELL NO! Where is she?
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In Whiskey and Women… The young ones are fine, but I prefer the older ones — well aged and full-bodied.
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My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like "It wasn't that hard."
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RANDOM FACT: Having eye contact for more than 6 seconds without looking away or blinking reveals a desire for either sex or murder.
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It's okay to laugh during sex, just don't point.
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SWAG is for BOYS and CLASS is for MEN.
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When in doubt, put some booze in it.
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I am not saying I hate you or anything but if you were ever badly hurt and I had the only phone to call you an ambulance I would order pizza delivery first.
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I love driving behind old people. You can get so much done: eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, read a book... write a book, etc.
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A woman drove me to drink, and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, "My money's on the one with the knife." You should have seen how fast they both ran off.
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I know a few women that would be considered very handsome if they were men.
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Never compliment a girl on Twitter, she'll reTweet it and make you look thirsty.
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Skype Conversations: 5% Hey, how are you? 95% CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?!
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