Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   People don't love you just for who you are, but how you make them feel.

   Trust gets you killed. Love gets you hurt. Being real gets you hated.

   Game: "Would you like to try the tutorial first?" Me: "No." *minutes later* "How the hell do you play this?"

   I hate females like this: "I'ma slap that b*tch when I see her, she got me f*cked up!" *girl walks past.* "She lucky she ain't look my way."

   Stop complaining about your relationship if you're gonna stay in it, dumb ass b*tches..

   I've been disappointed so many times, not giving a crap is almost a reflex

   I heard the new NBA 2K13 is so real that when Kobe gets the ball, the pass button just stops working.

   When I kill a spider, I don't clean it up, I leave it there so the rest of the spiders know not to mess with me.

   Females will stop speakin to their friends over the littlest things, but will forgive the same trifling ass dude a millions times.

   You gotta text her goodnight if she special. The other women just get the "oh my bad I fell asleep" text in the morning.

   People posting... "Damn it's September already?" What TF you thought came after August?! August Jr?

   If I had a nickel for every time I banged your mom I could afford to bang her again today.

   Waking up this morning was a stupid idea.

   When someone calls shotgun I yell Rosa Parks and sit in the seat and refuse to move.

   Naked breakfast on the couch watching my shows. Gangsta's paradise.

   After a long weekend without your phone, you learn what's really important in life. Your phone.

   You know what's worse than your tribal tattoo? The story about why you got it.

   Why don't television shows say, "You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?"

   All women have at least one pair of jeans in their closet that's trying to kill them.

   Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?