Marshall the great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
←Rate | 08-11-2012 23:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You really inspire me to be a bitter person.
←Rate | 08-11-2012 23:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes its just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
←Rate | 08-11-2012 23:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I'm set on running a yellow light and the person in front of me chickens out.
←Rate | 08-11-2012 23:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they're dead.
←Rate | 08-12-2012 16:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Accidentally took a women's multi vitamin and I've been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
←Rate | 08-12-2012 16:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon My neighbors are slamming doors and screaming at each other, keeping me awake. I retaliated by playing Nickelback super loud, We all lose tonight.
←Rate | 08-12-2012 20:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies: Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to talk about sports, food, or sex. Not in that particular order either.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 18:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies: Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing sitting down. Maybe YOU can learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up. You need it down. You don't hear us complaining when you leave it dow
←Rate | 08-16-2012 18:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you hear about the guy who robbed the store with a pair of scissors? Well long story short, apparently bullet also beats scissors.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 18:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In yoga it's called the "downward dog" ... In the bedroom it's called "only because it's your birthday."
←Rate | 08-16-2012 18:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I sprayed too much Febreze on my dog... but my couch and living room carpet smells so dog gone good!
←Rate | 08-16-2012 18:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I visit a friend who greets me with "make yourself at home," I kick him out of the house because I hate visitors!
←Rate | 08-16-2012 18:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon There's few things more satisfying than putting eletrical tape over the sensors of automatic doors and watching people walk right into them.....muhahahahaha
←Rate | 08-16-2012 18:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon There's a difference between leaving her unsatisfied and hungry for more.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 19:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon And on the day that Pooh found out bacon tasted better than honey, we all knew Piglet's days were numbered.
←Rate | 08-17-2012 01:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you gonna eat that... or just take pictures?
←Rate | 08-17-2012 04:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pot is not a gateway drug that leads to harder drugs. It's more of a drive thru drug that leads to burgers and fried chicken.
←Rate | 08-19-2012 23:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon My new girlfriend has a multiple personality disorder. I think it's great!. It's like being with a different girl every time we have sex. Except for the one time... she turned into Dave the construction worker.
←Rate | 08-19-2012 23:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see a woman drinking Coors immediately ask her on a date cause she'll swallow anything.
←Rate | 08-19-2012 23:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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