Doc Noland Funny Status Messages
Search results for status messages containing 'Doc Noland': View All Messages
Page: 14 of 39
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, dead.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Nothing like falling in love with a sociopath to make you question your judgement.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Whatever's wrong with me, it's a pleasure.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
My stick figure family is just a burrito, a television, and a bottle of whiskey. Do they make those stickers?
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I don't want a sky full of lighters! I just want the one that fell under my driver's seat!
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I can't participate in tickle fights because I get inappropriate b0ners
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
National Sarcasm Society - Like we need your support...
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Here's two people with scoliosis attempting to have sex - ??
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I can tell I'm getting older because I need flaxseed, coffee, fiber supplements, a laptop, an iPod and a smartphone in order to take a poop.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
If men never decided to overlook the emotional craziness of women, humans would become extinct.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I just invented "5-hour Energy Popsicle" and now my nose won't stop bleeding and I'm seeing ghosts.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I've decided the best way to proceed in life from here on out is by walking around rubbing my n!pples and talking in the Fat B@st@rd voice.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Probably won't see War Horse. I'd definitely think about seeing a movie titled Skirmish Pony.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Perhaps right after spending five minutes trying to rub the comma off my keyboard is the time to decide to stop eating over my laptop.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I don't think we can be friends if you're not mentally & physically prepared to play my gen!tals like a naughty game of "Bop it".
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Alcohol-The best night time:slurring,headache,dehydration,drink spilling, charm killing,so you think you can dance"medicine."
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I wish I could dance like a black guy. Or have epilepsy. Either way.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
The most inappropriate time to tell someone they have the "Moves Like Jagger" is during a seizure.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Fifty bucks says I make way more unnecessary noises than you.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
The way to a man's heart is about eight inches inside of anything.
[Search Results] [View All Messages]