Kisstopher Funny Status Messages
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Its amazing how many bad decisions can be justified or explained away by just saying, "I was drunk" or "I was in love"
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It's 2012. How come some restaurants haven't figured out how to split checks? Nobody wants to take a math test after they eat.
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The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
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Just been told I'm not sexist. Being sexist is wrong and being wrong is for women.
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All of a sudden I love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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The feeling you get when youre driving & you see a cop. And youre not drunk or high, but you think 'god I hope he doesnt notice I'm driving'
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The dilemma with resisting temptation is that it may never be offered again.
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People who don't like bacon can never be trusted.
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A tip for you joggers out there: To run faster, make sure there is an attractive person in front of you at all times OR a creepy guy behind you.
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Before I post a joke on twitter I tell it to my windmill... He is a HUGE fan.
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"Hello, would you like to take part in a one-question survey?" "Sure." "Great! Thanks for participating."
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Sometimes when I close my eyes I can't see.
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Ladies: A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world...oh sorry thats wine...wine does that.
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Sometimes, by holding on too tight, you end up losing what you were trying so hard to save. Soap, for example.
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I've been told I speak fluent sexual innuendo.
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To be loved is to be fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction. Thanks haters.
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The story of “how I met your father” is shorter than “how I met your mother.
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Alcohol goes in, honesty and truth comes out.
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I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
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RANDOM FACT: Rihanna's face is 70% forehead.
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