GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Memorizing pot hole locations is a must where I'm from.

   So you unfollowed me on Facebook. You sure showed me.

   Well, it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now!

   I like to make lists. I also like to leave them on the kitchen counter and then guess what's on the list while I'm in the store.

   Ever spent money so quickly that you felt like somebody stole it?

   Whoever came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has clearly never been to Walmart during the day.

   Just once in my life, I'd actually like to see a liar's pants catch on fire.

   Jim Morrison was right. People are strange.

   If I block you on social media and you see me in public, the block still applies in real life.

   Welcome to social media! A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

   What do I like most about my job? Payday, breaks and leaving.

   Most people want a perfect relationship. I just want a hamburger that looks like the one on the menu.

   What a lucky week! First I win the lottery, and then some relatives I'd lost contact with got in touch.

   Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives.

   I miss the good old days when you could actually have an opinion without offending someone.

   Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone driving faster is a maniac?

   It's kinda weird realizing that we are the last generation on this earth to know what life was like before social media.

   There are scams all over the internet! Send me just $19.95 and I'll show you how to avoid them!

   Whoever said, "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.

   Social media has taught me a few things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are greatly outnumbered.