Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Serendipity - When an empty glass and a bottle of booze cross paths

   i get called "insane" at least four times a day by both real and imaginary people.

   If having the moves like Jagger entails prancing around like an electrocuted chicken then no, I do not have the moves like Jagger

   It's weird that our sex parts are also our poopoo peepee parts.

   V@gina jokes are not funny at all. Period.

   If you don't JUMP OUT OF YOUR SEAT at "Streaks on the China..." from the Mr. Belvedere theme song, then get the Heck out of America.

   I think most of Adele's songs are about a cheeseburger.

   It's amazing how quickly a MILF becomes a MILL (Mom I'd Like to Leave)

   I need a new refrigerator. There's no food in mine.

   Dryer lint sure does smell a lot better than it tastes.

   Im alittle experimental tonight and I tell ya, I tried on a Trojan Magnum...its really hard to breathe in those things.

   Finally changed my mood on MySpace to "ninja" but nobody saw me do it.

   My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.

   My skull organ no work so good this day.

   Luckily for me, my future cancer will go along quite nicely with my current personality.

   Winter trees at sunset have the look of a lonely old man realizing there will be no visitors today.

   Feeling self conscious? Just watch me "walk" on stairs! My bad knees makes newborn giraffes look like ballerinas.

   Don't worry there are plenty other fish in the sea. None as attractive as the one that just dumped you but plenty other fish!

   According to D!ck Clark this new year's eve is going to be the "besjtkdksnsm newsjsjsoa evesjdddb."

   Can't wait 'til I'm elderly so I can wear band-aids on my face without shame or explanation.