Funny Status Messages

   Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

   I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothes. If I had any I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

   Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport

   One morning my girlfriend asked me if I slept well and I replied 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

   I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.

   Guests Who Kill Talk Show Hosts, on the LAST Jerry Springer

   Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

   I used to work for a factory that made fire hydrants, but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

   Some people seem to read the Bible a lot as they get older. Maybe they think they're cramming for their finals.

   I'm like a mosquito in a nudist camp; I know what to do, but I don't know where to start

   One night a jet flew a little too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen and the stewardess told me to sit down.

   I've decided to give up fluorescent lighting for lent...oh, and chairs...maybe I'll throw in desks too, along with office cubicles and work phones... Hope my boss understands my religious beliefs...............

   I've decided to give up fluorescent lighting for lent...oh, and chairs...maybe I'll throw in desks too, along with office cubicles and work phones... Hope my boss understands my religious beliefs...............

   Fair warning: I've decided that ,from now on,all "poke wars" I am engaged in will spill over into your everyday encounters with myself... and I will be victorious....

   I try not to curse, but when God D@mn slips out, I always get, "Don't use God's name in vain". I always respond, "I never said his NAME...God is simply a title, like Dr or Mr". Do you even know his name? Bible Thumpers...

   wearing plastic gloves to prevent any computer viruses

   So, the U.S. Government has proposed to replace the $1 bill with a $1 coin. They say it will save $5.5 billion dollars. Time for me to cash in too... by producing a stripper g-string that will hold coins.

   informed that I had offended some people with my statueses. Solution: I deleted them

   I thought I was special until I saw you are now friends with me and 29 other people :(

   In light of recent reports, is Taco Bell allowed this Lent?