Funny Status Messages

   i enjoy long romantic walks to the Refrigerator

   That red headed girl on American Idol got cut last night...what was HIS name again?

   The karaoke guy got cut from American Idol last night...maybe you should be nicer to people...ya prick.

   I like poking dead things with a stick...kicking my neighbors cat...and yelling at nuns walking down the street..."you working or walking?"...let's see that on E-Harmony.

   The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

   I've grown to hate low ceilings

   I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me -- and I didn't hear it.

   Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

   sometimes it feels weird when you don't know why you hate someone for the first time you see them and even without talking to them.

   Why is that you can always read a doctor's bill but never his prescription?

   I have an answering machine for my phone. Now when I'm not home and someone calls me up they hear a recording of a busy signal.

   Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians

   Canadian Bacon? why don't they just call it HAM. silly canadians

   Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

   I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy

   When I turn around, people throw me a welcome back party.

   e-harmony proves that even people who wear shorts, dress socks and sandals CAN find true love.

   To make a small fortune in the stock market you need to start with a large fortune

   The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' and I said, 'Dust!'

   I called a wrong phone number today. I asked, 'Is Joey there?' The woman says 'Yes.' I said, 'May I speak to him please?' She said, 'No, he can't right now, he is only 2 months old. I said, 'All right, I'll wait.'