Funny Status Messages

   I just like the fact that Shotgunese is a universal language. Not every intruder will know enough of your native tongue to understand "Stop or I'll shoot!", but all of us know enough Shotgunese to understand "cha-shick".

   Love: Nature's way of tricking people into reproducing

   Fat women want to be thinner. Thin women want bigger boobs. Big-boobed women want clothes to fit better. And you know what men want? Women.

   You know how when you're kissing someone and you want to take them into the bedroom to have sex with them? Yea, well I don't want to do that with you.

   The fact that you continue to speak ,although I informed you I'm not listening, puzzles me.

   See this Ipod ? Hear the music ? It's the only thing that's keeping me from killing you right now .

   SuperGlue and NonStick Pan.... One of you is lying...

   It's not that I hate you it's just...ok, put it this way. if you were on fire and I had water. I would drink the water.

   Humpty Dumpty sat on a bed Little Bo Pep was giving him head as soon as he came she started to weap she knew by the taste he was f**king her sheep

   "Look at the keyboard ... you and I are together, look underneath it says JK."

   Judge me all you want..But don't think I'll give a damn.

   There are somethings some parents will never understand..like how to actually be parents...

   You can walk out that door and keep on walking... Because you never shut up and you're always talking.

   Are you always this stupid, OR ARE YOU MAKING A SPECIAL EFFORT TODAY?

   mmm nothings more manly then watching a man hold shake-weights next to his face while grunting with exaggeritated force

   I have tried it all to get my girl to call out my name in bed, but nothing has worked.My last hope now is to change my name to "Already?".

   CNN refuses to broadcast Gathafi's speech; reason being it is copyrighted to the Comedy Channel....

   I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

   Buying a used mattress is like buying used underwear...You just dont do it!!

   Justin Bieber's hair being auctioned off for charity. Should I buy it for my next toupee?