Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   A Rabbit's foot is considered good luck! A Camel's toe should be considered really good luck!!

   I just know my co-workers will be really surprised when they find the Easter Eggs I left them in their office........ in the far right corner........ behind the file cabinet marked records from 1989.

   Ladies: If "snuggling" is so important to you, have the guy do that BEFORE you have sex. Trust me...... He'll snuggle and snuggle and snuggle...

   I found 2 bananas and a cucumber in my new girlfriend's nightstand. I think she has an eating disorder.

   Sometimes when I'm scrolling through the Facebook news feed... I come across a really good status... and I think... now this guy is awesome... just as I'm about to like it... I'm like...oh wait that ones mine!!!

   The economy must be bad. I just saw Micheal J Fox working at Home Depot. He was in the paint department.

   Wow... I'm standing out on the ledge of my building, watching what looks like police and firemen trying to fit a trampoline through the front door! Pfft... Idiots!

   Wwhen my wife is angry wit me, instead of giving me the silent treatment..........she jus keeps talking!

   Autocorrect has been around for centuries, I got mine when I married my wife.

   It must've been awkward taking a dump during the Hunger Games, knowing that the whole country could potentially be watching you.

   Just caught a woman texting & driving. I hope she knows it's a very big distraction and if a cop saw her she would get charged a very big fine because it is illegal. Anyway, I guess I should pull over and get some gas, starting to run kind of low.

   Hey, look at the bright side... oh I'm sorry, YOU don't have one of those.

   I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.

   Well, it's about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.

   Going "balls to the wall" is something that I will never ever ever ever EVER do, cuz... youch!

   The FedEx lady would not take my package and told me to put my pants back on and quit calling her unless I need to ship an order.

   I'm too lazy to I throw my hands up in the air and wave them like I just don't care. THAT'S how much I don't care!

   Jingle bells, my foot smells, I pulled it from your ass. Get a beer and bring it here then pour it in a glass. - My Christmas song.

   I tried dating Native American women, but it really wasn't for me. They're really in tents.

   Telling a cop you are so high you thought you were in London wont get you out of a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road.