life Funny Status Messages

   Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.

   A watched pot never boils, but an un-watched pot boils over, so I don't know what you want from me life!

   I need to get my life together. I spilled Life cereal all over the counter!

   Wearing a sweater that's not fully dry; why don't you tell me how your morning's going so I can feel better about my life choices.

   Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

   I'm a pair of skinny jeans short of a mid life crisis

   I don't argue with people who I can remove from my life by pressing a button.

   The after Easter prices of Cadbury Eggs and Peeps are one of life's simple but not quite free pleasures.

   Life is like a high tide....But no matter how low or high the tide is, we gotta keep on surfing. The tide is high and I'm moving on!!

   Sitting here watching "Undercover Boss" thinking.. Guy shows up at your job with a camera crew, screws everything up, gets you to reveal secrets about your personal life.. If you can't figure out what's going on, there's no hope left for you..

   Not everyone you like will like you back and vice versa. Such is life. Sounding bitter and whiny about it probably won't help your cause.

   All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.

   I'm being really funny in real life so I don't have the time to write it all down for you guys

   I'm hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.

   Women will stop crying if you start licking the tears off their cheeks and tell them how delicious their life force is. I think.

   just dipped a banana into a jar of natural peanut butter and the end broke off and sank to the bottom. ...just in case anyone wants to get me a new jar of peanut butter ...or some meds ...or a life.

   If losing me wrecked your life, you seem to have forgotten what having you did to mine...

   The best way to ruin my day is by asking me, "How's life treating you?" or "What's new?".

   I think one of the greatest regrets I'm going to have later on in life is that I've never participated in a Harlem Shake video...

   When people don't know what's going on in your life they SPECULATE....When they think they know...they FABRICATE...AND when they do know.......they just HATE