Mickey Funny Status Messages

   Many people are afraid of heights. Not me, though. I'm afraid of widths.

   The only thing to believe in is to not believe in anything.

   I'd be all for the Women's March protest if they added, "off a cliff" to the name of the event.

   I feel an originality rush coming on. Think I'll make a dog face on Snapchat.

   I'm really not a "know it all"... For instance, up until recently, I thought cunnilingus was an Irish Airline.

   n't the bigger question: How many people attended the Hillary Inauguration?

   I'm in a book store and a liberal clerk helped me. I asked for the new Trump book on his immigration policy. She said, "F-you! Get out and stay out! I go, "Yes, that's it, do you have it in paperback?"

   If I were an actual snowflake, ie the feathery ice crystal with a sixfold symmetry, I'd be highly insulted.

   I lost my virginity when I was 15. It was smokin' hot until I bit her thigh and all the air leaked out.

   If Trump is AIDS in human form, then Obama is the a$$hole he got it from.

   This country needed a good weeding out. And Trump is the one who brought the weed whacker.

   What's the difference between a druggist and a drug dealer? One sells drugs LEGALLY. What's the difference between an immigrant who came to the US lawfully, and one who snuck in? One's here LEGALLY. See?

   What bothers me most about liberal women, is that none of them are hot enough to be this stupid.

   Remember the protests back in 2011 when Obama stopped the Iraqi refugees from entering the States for six months? Neither do I.

   Canada: Compared to the USA, it's the North American equivalent to the kids' table at a holiday dinner.

   South Americans. They gave the world coffee and tomatoes. It was all downhill from there.

   What do President Trump and Tony the Tiger have in common? They're both orange and make things GREEAAT!

   I wish people would stop saying the husbands of the women who marched didn't get a sandwich that day. Have you seen those women? No way any of them have a husband.

   You want to gauge how dumb people are these days? No, don't look at Dept. of Education stats, SAT scores or even IQ's. Listen closely to someone ahead of you at a fast food drive thru place an order.

   My doctor needed a stool, a ur-ine, a se-men and a blood sample. I gave him my underwear.