K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   I am so glad my cats don't have opposable thumbs. I can't begin to imagine what would be written on my face when I wake up in the morning.

   My is coffee is broken. I added red bull and a five hour energy shot. I can now hear what my hair is thinking.

   I'll say it again. Nothing spooks me like when a cat walks into the room I'm in, looks at absolutely nothing, their hair stands up, they freak and take off leaving me wondering what the hell I'm in the room with that I can't see.

   Happy Merry ChristmaHanuKwanziDays

   Hugh Hefner is getting married again, to a 26 year old. If I were to marry someone that much younger than me, I'm 54, I would have to wait another six years for her to be born.

   Time to find a girlfriend.....I think my hand has been stepping out on me.

   It's getting to be that time of year again where we sit around a dead tree and eat candy from old socks.

   Well, time to get dressed and go Christmas shopping. What time does Walgreens close?

   A friend of mine called herself a geniust....yes your heard right, a geniust. I didn't have the heart to tell her.

   Just took some cough syrup. I made that scrunchie face and shook my head just like I was a little kid.

   I tried that "Take a laxative to stop coughing, you'll be afraid to cough" remedy. It was going great....until I sneezed.

   I bet if we got congress high there would be so many solutions and a new budget for Doritos

   Facebook sure is quiet this morning....wonder why.

   CSI never ceases to amaze me. They are inside and they look all around with flashlights...flick a light on. Now I'm watching and they are outside in broad daylight using their flashlights looking at a puddle of blood.

   On my to the ER. I was preparing dinner and accidentally opened a can of whoop-ass.

   Tried to kill a spider with deodorant. He's still alive, but he smells great.

   I rubbed my cats back and forth on the carpet for ten minutes, now they can shoot lightning out of their eyes, They're running around playing laser tag.

   I have DirecTV...where's my genie??

   Actually saw two young people talking today. Parents must have grounded them from their phones.

   I found that my power went out briefly while I was sleeping, So I woke and my coffee was NOT ready and waiting for me. What an utterly horrible way to start the day. I had to wait five minutes, FIVE MINUTES! for my coffee. I feel like a caveman.