Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I'm bad kinda in sentences at words order the right putting in.

   I listen better to people when they make sense... or better yet... Dollars...

   Officer the only reason I'm speeding is because I'm late...and stopping me for 15 minutes to give me a ticket is only going to make me speed even more!

   I think Words with Friends... should really be called... Scrabble with Cheaters!

   The things I've seen while hiding in someone's closet are shocking sometimes... there are some sick people out there.

   You can really tell who your friends are by looking at your friends list.

   I thought the fire alarm went off so I exited the building. It was a premature evacuation..

   HA! If you think I'M crazy you should meet ME!

   A psychologist cannot change a light bulb unless the light bulb really wants to change.

   If you can read this please let me know because, it means I blocked the wrong person. I'm still getting used to this Stupid timeline!

   I've got some Spring in my step for an energetic foot up your ass! ~ Happy First Day of Spring!

   It doesn't take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.

   When I was in high school my girlfriend's dad got angry that I took her virginity. I said "Sorry, it won't happen again."

   I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.

   The only reason that I haven't yelled at anyone yet is because I am reserving my energy for a slapping spree...

   Stupid people have it made.. Nobody expects anything from them and when they do something right people act like they cured cancer...

   I believe that there will be a war of the sexes one day and the male leader will rally his troops for battle by riding through the ranks shouting, "REMEMBER THE ALIMONYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

   I don't want you charity unless your charity is bacon and then I will take it.

   If you are arrogant enough to assume that I know what is going on in your life because I read every single one of your Facebook status updates, I probably hid you a long time ago.

   If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.