DYLAN BOSCH Funny Status Messages

   You know college has changed you when you see your 6 year old niece drinking out of a red plastic cup, and you scream, "Don't drink that... juice." Oh.

   When my ex moved out while I was at work, she took my new flat screen tv, but she couldn't find the remote. I will occasionally drive to her house around 2 am and turn the TV on and the volume all the way up. I'll give it 2 years and call us even."

   Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a pill bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."

   you know you're totally screwed when the guy who stole your identity begs you to take it back."

   feels like Simba in Lion King, you know that part where he's stuck in the stampede, and his dad dies saving him, but then later he meets Timon and Pumbaa... f*ck black friday I'm going home to watch Lion King."

   It's pretty sad when the highlight of a three hour football game is out staged by a red m&m."

   Hey Karma, I got a list of people you missed."

   Facebook should have an "exam mode" where you can enter the dates of your exams and you are denied access if you try to go on it during that period of time.

   Recipe for disaster: When your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad..."

   Call of Duty.. Helping Guys like me who don't play the game get laid since 2003."

   I'm not a fan of that show 'the Voice'.. Call me old fashioned but I just don't think somebody who f*cked up the National Anthem in front of millions of people should judge anybody."

   if I ever go missing, I want my photo on beer bottles instead of milk cartons because I want someone fun to find me."

   I wish I had the ability to see 5 seconds into the future so I could know whether to slam the door in someone's face or hold it for them based on whether they thank me or not."

   well, I was going to Google something.. but ended up playing the electric piano instead. Thanks Google."

   wore my mistletoe belt buckle out last night. Met a girl with a mistletoe belly button piercing.. Wedding is next month."

   the NFL aka No F***in Lights."

   there is a Reason why Everybody says Everything happens for a Reason?"

   Being Single on Valentine's Day just reminds how pathetic some people are, and how awesome I still am for Being Single on Valentine's Day."

   Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.

   Steve Martin had his first kid today at the age of 67... and that is how it's done. Happy Valent Times day to him."