Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages

   When you break something at the store and nervously walk away!

   Nothing says ''I'm a fat a$$ like wearing a T-shirt in the pool!

   Listen I'm not an alcoholic, they go to meetings...I'm a drunk we go to parties!

   I hope Adele and Eminem never date, can you imagine what their breakup albums would be like!

   1 tequila, 2 tequila,s 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teiuqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklasl, 9 travquikas, 10 trewquwtss

   hahahahahahahahaha=very funy hahahahaha=funny haha=not that funny

   Daughter''Dad I am a lesbian!'' Sister ''Me too dad!'' Dad ''Doesn't anyone like guys around here?'' Son ''I do!''

   If my Boobs sag any more people are going to think they are nuts!

   Dude, she has a Boyfriend! So, soccer has a goalie doesn't mean you can't still score!

   $19.99 because $20 is an outrageous amount of money!

   Dude, I gave you a pen not a chew toy!

   3AM text message ''Hey are you asleep?''....''No I'm scuba diving!''

   16 and a Olympian > 16 and Pregnent

   When the teacher says you'll be working with partners then adds ''But I'll be assigning them!''

   Dogs don't care if Bacon is crispy or not!

   I wonder how long it takes a girrafe to vomit!

   I hate when I accidently run my hand over a piece of gum stuck under a desk!

   Went for a jog tonight and saw a payphone and I was like ''WTF is that!!!''

   I've been Nominted for Facebooks New Award, Most Funny/Best Posts in 2012!.......In other news I lost my job, my wife, car, and all contact with the outside World!!!

   Saying ''Oh Yeah, I remember!'' when you have no idea what their talking about!