paul Funny Status Messages

   went to Church the other day and when the plate came to him, he asked what it was for. The man said it was an Offering. So he took it.

   will never eat cheezies while watching porn again...

   hopes he made no one uncomfortable while staring at their stats...

   has the key to all of life's questions... but he'll be damned if he can find the lock...

   actually an antidepressant... X must be taken every night before bedtime... But X may cause lightheadeness, a sense of euphoria, and an incontrollable urge to repeat the word yes... X is not for everyone... Ask your doctor if X is right for you...

   says that other's opinions are just other's opinions... stay true to your inner guidance and smile at all the frowns...

   wonders if you ever wished your life had a System Restore... or maybe even just a Back Button?

   Jack and Jill went up the hill, but Jack ran out of breath, undaunted Jill got up her will and she went down with Beth.

   Every notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?

   Ever notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?

   Ever see a flower poking up through a crack in the sidewalk? The crack represents the troubles in your life, the flower is the possibilities.

   it might just be me, but oranges from the tree at the cemetary seem a little sweeter.

   Do you ever walk toward automatic sliding opening doors, hold your hand up, and as they open think, maybe, just maybe, the force is with you today??

   You know that song by Bruno Mars called "Just the Way You Are"? Did you know if you changed that lyric to "Just Get In My Car" it changes from a love song to a really scary stalker song??

   I told my wife the best way to get motivated to lose weight is to try on the bikini she wants to wear this summer....She told me to shut up and take it off.

   You know, come to think of it, I have never seen Charlie Sheen and Gaddafi in the same room either.... Coincidence?? Just sayin...

   Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!...WITH A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA!! Crap, didn't work.

   I heard the gas companies are going to be changing the grades of gasoline from regular, mid-grade, and supreme to tall, grande and venti...

   I saw a sign on the lawn in front of a 7-11 the other day, It read "Stay off the grass". I thought it was a weird place for a "Say no to drugs" message.

   I was sitting in the store parking lot and noticed one of those "Smart Cars". I was at first thinking it was pretty cool until I saw the owner tying his Papa Murphy's pizzas to the roof.