ef Funny Status Messages

   Does anyone else feel like a 25yr old trapped in a 40yr+ body???

   Some of you people could use something with a little water bubbling at the bottom....... Just sayin

   Pinocchio just gave a speech...

   I met this woman at the club tonight. Well she looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady! It was when she drove me to her place and parrelled parked on the very first try that l thought hold on a minute here!

   I watched the Wizard of Oz last night and all I could think of was "so a house fell on your sister and all you care about are her shoes?".....Women

   Alarm Clocks.....Making people "Rise and Whine" since its invention

   What happened o the NFL? It used to be the greatest game. Now every receiver that goes out for a pass and is breathed on starts waving his hands for a flag like a big cry baby....this game is falling apart just like this country

   I had a choice tonight to either watch the Redskins lose on Monday Night Football or clean the toilets in my house. Since I didn't feel like throwing up this evening I'm cleaning house

   You know you're getting old when the hot girls you slept with in high school post fat grandma pictures....

   When I first got married I would hold my wife's hands and gaze into her eyes when I talked to her. After all these years I still hold her hands and gaze into her eyes but it's mostly for self defense purposes

   Have may stretch pants on.....do you?

   New Jersey is considering a law that makes it illegal to eat while you're driving. When Governor Chris Cristie heard about it he yelled "Shotgun"

   Thanksgiving is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.

   I make my coffee so strong it wakes the neighbors up....

   You kids complain about everthing.....You want to know how bad I had it? I'm so old the "Diaper Man" used to come to our house to take the sh#tty diapers away and bring back "clean ones" that really some other kid had sh it in!

   Dudes should not ''poke'' other Dudes on Facebook!

   Women are always complaing that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around.....That's because women take up all the closets

   I just hid my teenage son's Christmas gifts behind the vacuum, in the dishwasher and next to the trash can that needs to be taken out.....guaranteed he will never find them!

   The "thank you wave" you receive after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the only thing holding this fragile society together

   Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I've been today that's had "insufficient funds".