eengrms Funny Status Messages

   Just once I wish my iPhone would interfere with the airplane's navigation equipment and we would land in California instead of Detroit....

   All clowns are serial killers. It's a fact.

   I've never seen a tombstone that read: "Died from not forwarding that post to thirty people."

   Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you'll never go back" episode of Mythbusters...

   How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?

   I'm going to decorate a valentines box and take it to work tomorrow. I'm not going to answer anyone's questions until they give me a valentine...

   Weatherman are a little too excited to finally be right about predicting this big storm. You're still at 1% accuracy guys. Calm the $&#% down...

   I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it...

   Can someone get Seal Team Six some round trip tickets to North Korea?

   Why do they still use smoke to singal the pope vote? Don't they have a twitter account now?

   I hear Katy Perry hired Taylor Swift to write her a break-up song. Adele is producing...

   Here is an Easter time saving tip - don't waste time coloring the eggs. It will make them easier to hide in the snow...

   I puked in the backseat of my friend's brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn't any social networking back then, so I'm telling you now...

   I hate when you're caught stalking in a tree outside someone's window so you freeze like a squirrel, and they're all like "I can still see you."

   Roger Ebert just gave his doctors two thumbs down...

   I need to see a shrink to discuss my Shamrock Shake abandonment issues...

   I think one of the greatest regrets I'm going to have later on in life is that I've never participated in a Harlem Shake video...

   Lately I've been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...

   Jason Collins is the best ball handler in the NBA...

   A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday...