abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages
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It takes 42 muscles for you to frown! But only four for me to extend my middle finger to you! Fck off!!!
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My Wife tld me her fantasy would be to spend the night with George Clooney! Then she flipped out when I told her mine! Apparently, ''Melanie the lady with the nice body next door!'' wasn't a good answer!!!
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There is nothing better than putting on a warm pair of underwear fresh from the dryer! I even like to scan the laundramat to try and figure out who they belong to!!!
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First, Love Yourself!..........Everyone Else, get in line!!!
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I just love waking up in the middle of the night, to find I still have hours to sleep before I have to be at work!!!
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As you Mature, you learn that you cannot make someone love you!.....All you can do is Stalk them and hope they panic and give in!!!
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Please be patient! Even a toilet can only handle one A$$hole at a time!!!
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Here I am!.......Now what are your other two wishes?!!!
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As I've grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible! But pissing everyone off...that's a piece of cake!!!
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When you are a kid, ''I'm going to tell your mom!'' is the scariest sentence ever!!!
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Nothing makes a man happier than his son being on the cover of a Wheaties Box! His daughter on the cover of Business Week! His girlfriend in Playboy! And his wife on the back of a carton of Milk!!!
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They should blast the Oscar Meyer Weiner Song non-stop into Jerry Sandusky's cell for the 400yrs he's in there!!!
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I will not chase you after anyone anymore!.......If you walk out of my life, I'll hold the F-N door open for you!!!
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The only people mad at you for speaking the truth! Are those living a lie!!!
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If Monday hd a face......I would knock the $h!t out of it!!!
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You know you're broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!!!
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You can't have a Consumer-based economy if none of the consumers have jobs and can't afford to consume!!!
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I had a girlfriend that said she was leaving me because I was so arrogant! I told her to close the door on her way back in!!!
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If it looks like a B!tch, talks like a B!tch, and acts like a B!tch! Congratulations you met my EX!!!
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You can only say WTF so many times in a day before you just start drinking!!!
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