Slowmotionninja Funny Status Messages

   Iphone has just patented anti sexting software..brett favre your going to want to get a DROID

   I am pretty sure that J.Lo plus butter equals Snookie

   Tom Brady has to go home and plow his Super Model wife now cause it will be the only was he is scoring anytime soon

   I was just asked to contribute money to help solve the civil unrest in egypt, but I suspect it;s some sort of pyramid scheme

   Lady Gaga went to the VMA's dressed as meat, now she went to the Grammy's in a egg. Two more red carpets and she will be a Denny's Grand Slam

   1st: Chris Brown hits her 2nd: Eminem lies to her and 3rd: Drake cant remember her name. What a life Rihanna has

   Sarah Palin and Snookie both Having NY Times bestsellers makes me realize being literate is overrated

   I swear when LeBron James was born and the doctor spanked him he got the foul called

   Random Dude: "Sup bro you think you could piss in this cup in that bathroom for me I gotta pass this drug test. I'll pay you $60" Me: "...ya..." That dudes screwed

   Everyone's self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse

   "Why is it that if a girl has sex with more than one guy she's a slut but if a guy has sex with more than one girl he's a legend?" The guy replies "If a lock can be opened by more than one key it's useless but if a key can open many locks its a master key

   I went to a disco last night. They played the twist, I did the twist, They played jump, I jumped. They played "come on Eileen"...I got kicked out for that one.

   Moms have "mothers day" Dads have "Fathers day" Lovers have "Valentines day" what do single men have?...Palm Sunday

   Having a girlfriend is like racking up credit card debit. Exciting for awhile, before becoming a financial burden that prevents you from enjoying cool activities with your friends

   pulled more tail then a slow kid at a petting zoo.

   when a stripper asks you to beat the hard level on angry birds you DO IT!!!!!

   If your vigina is anything like my hand then we should not have a problem

   put a number on it by looking up the route on a fare-finding site….So it would've cost Will Smith about $8,356.96 to get from West Philly to Bel-Air!! Dang Uncle Phil was really loaded then!!!

   ❒Flossin' ❒Ballin' ✔Bill Gaten'

   I almost choked to death while trying to rap in the car on the way to work. Chewing gum and Wu-Tang clan ain't nothin' to f**k with.