Charles35 Funny Status Messages

   Apparently, saying "grande" in a non-Starbucks coffee shop is like shouting the wrong name during sex.

   took the red pill and woke up broke in Vegas. Thanks Morpheus.

   doesn't get drunk - I get awesome!

   wonders how many times he should ignore his girlfriend telling him she put her tampon in the wrong hole?

   wants to thank Starbucks CEOs for now offering severely addicted customers, like myself, a bathtub-sized cup. Awesome!

   thinks the best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?

   According to the “you snooze you lose” principle, insomnia makes us winners.

   thinks its cool for a guy to have sex with his female teacher. Unless he's home schooled.

   believes the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse is the ground.

   Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.

   thinks Diarrhea would be a beautiful name, if it didn't mean diarrhea.

   thinks laughter is the second best medicine. The best medicine is medicine.

   knows there are things money can't buy. But Ticketmaster is working on ways to charge you for them.

   predicts that in the future, everyone famous will have mental health issues which they parade online for our entertainment.

   If your dealer runs out of Charlie Cheen, don't let him try to sell you Emilio Estevez.

   never shuts the bathroom door. If someone walks in, I say: FINALLY!! Get in here, shut the door, and sit on my lap!! Works every time.

   refuses to see a doctor whose office plants have died.

   used the money I saved on my gym membership and bought PhotoShop.

   While pumping gas, if you listen closely, you can hear the pump telling your kid's college fund to go "F" itself.

   "I always try to go the extra mile for my customers" - New York City's most hated cab driver