@UncleBSolomon Funny Status Messages

   How I love #Monday. On a different subject. Have you ever met someone for the first time and wanted to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?

   A person without a sense of humor is like a car without shocks, they get jolted by every rock or pebble in the road.

   I'd publish my autobiography but it's just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.

   A wife is like a box of chocolates, you never know which of her multiple moods you're going to get, you just better act like you love it.

   Just saw a bumper sticker saying, "My Lab is smarter than your Honor Student" I may not be worldly, but I have never seen an Honor Student jump from an open car window and chase a squirrel through a busy intersection.

   I'd give five bucks to hear First lady Melania say, "Moose and Squirrel".

   Bi-polar Wednesday - that day where you teeter between, "Woo Hoo, the week is half over" and *tear*, "the week is only half over.

   I watched Bugs, Popeye, and the Roadrunner every day when growing up. This nation is the beacon for the world. Kids today watch cartoons with 0 violence and need safe zone. I fear the future.

   #marriage Girls are never wrong. Until they are. Then they cry and are, somehow, not wrong again.

   12 years of school, 4 years of college; so now I can type "c you @ 2" #reallife

   New study finds that everyone you disagree with is are stupid.

   Being know as a instigator, I'm gonna add "Being thankful we survived Obama' to the thanksgiving blessing just to get the fun going.

   My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the #bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves.

   At the Dr. office today. Either someone is wearing cotton candy scented lotion or a #unicorn peed in this corner.

   For all you #single people: Time to start thawing the #Thanksgiving hot dogs

   I saved $983.54 on Black Friday. I stayed home watched TV and didn't shop.

   It is just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.

   I try to live an #adventurous life but its hard to do it with $17 disposable #income a week.

   Nothing puts me into the #Christmas spirit like #shopping. On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA.