Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Today I was told the world doesn't revolve around me. I think it could if some people would try harder.

   If not for our insanely stupid administration, the l*fticles wouldn't ever have anything to make fun of. Wait..... that came out wrong.

   Marriage tip: When you go to borrow your husband's tools, don't put them back. You don't know where they belong. Have your husband take care of it. That way he can show some responsibility and make sure that his things are where he wants them to be.

   Knock knock. Who's there? Ah. Ah who? Ah who, werewolves of London.

   Scientists are studying gary2.0s humor to determine how a joke can miss the target by that much.

   I told my wife I'd handle it. Now we're both waiting to see what that means.

   So if the groundhog is too fat to see his shadow, do we get six weeks of jelly doughnuts?

   Yeah. It's callled SUSHI.

   A nickel isn't worth a dime nowadays.

   Kamala SHOULD GO TO GREENSBORO OR GREEN BAY TO SEE HOW MUCH bidens nga TAX scheme IS COSTING PEOPLE 😀

   I'm funny I tell you!

   I want to steal a donut truck and go on a high-speed chase, because it would be funny watching cops chase a donut truck on the news.

   Gary’s sense of humor is so dry it could dehydrate a cactus.

   GaryKoenig... ghey blade.

   We're out shopping for new dishwashers because my wife says ours is broken. I'm still not sure why we're here and not at the hospital though.

   Salons always have hair on the floor. Garages always have oil on the floor. Banks what is your problem?

   ...involved in PROSECUTING J6ers. What a coinkidink, huh?

   Good morning haters!

   Gary Koenig for President. Seems more qualified.

   I am funny in the dark