Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   GaryKoenig... hear any dry jokes lately that you can steal? Walker.

   Can't wait until march 9th when we all turn our clocks forward and gain a extra hour of sunlight! And in other news I just want to be a social network influencer.

   My wife asked if I was busy. I said, "Not physically".

   Shhhh hear that??? (Hears crickets). That's the sound of your audience to your bad jokes.

   The weather forecast: Snow possible, anywhere from 0 to 145 inches. Maybe. Could start at 5,6,7,8,9 O'clock. Maybe today or maybe not. Possibly none.

   I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey... But I turned myself around.

   I'm looking to date

   Sometimes cheating can lead you to the right person😑

   If I have learned anything from this year, it is to never, ever say, "Well, at least it couldn't get any worse".

   Hello, I would like more information about this. Kind regards, aim-duque15@m.spheremail.net

   I told my wife I had a plan. She asked if it was written down. That felt aggressive

   Jason11972 asked me if I wanted to meet him outside. Not really in the mood for a blowjob right now, but thanks anyways buddy.

   Says the guy who keeps insulting random strangers on the Internet and who won't even reveal himself.

   Poor TeaJae. Still a loser.

   Not going to happen! I'm the king of lame comedy and I love it!

   We would probably be better off if Y2K had actually destroyed all computers back in the year 2000

   It's not easy being my wife's arm candy, but I hear I'm nailing it.

   how do you tell the difference between a gator & a croc? gator is a mask while croc is a shoe

   Woke up today feeling gay! That was close

   Good morning crazy people!