Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Also in the news, the national atheist church has applied for non-prophet status.

   "You people are so stupid." ~ D. Trump. (to all his fans)

   In Canada, you just suck!

   Me: I've been feeling unwell. Can I take a one day leave? Boss: When I feel sick, I kiss my wife and my sickness goes. Try it! Me: I tried it. At first your wife hesitated, but then she enjoyed it. Boss: you're done - fired!

   I got a job sketching suspects at the police station. I'm a con artist!

   Technology will facilitate deception, domination, and surveillance too big to fail. The tentacles of the Squid Game now include the blood in our veins.

   Cheer up! Someone somewhere is thinking about me naked.

   If 22 is twenty two & 33 is thirty three, then why the heck is 11 not onety one?

   Man rule: Plastic water bottles must be crushed prior to disposing.

   It's so strange to think before Facebook, all this nonsense just stayed in people's heads.

   The imbecile underneath this couldn't come up with a clever retort, so he stood on my shoulders and a f00l of himself in the process.

   Octopuses originated in Scotland. They came from bagpipes.

   I remember the last gal I picked up from the bar.... not a beauty but not ugly either. I mean she was covered with ten foot pole marks....

   Old people at weddings always poke me and say, "You're next". So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

   I am content to see the end of what was the empire called the US of A. Every empire comes to an end, typically at the hands of the insane from within. The US of A had its time. It's now time to end it.

   ScaryKoenig and his mum. Took turns licking grandpa's bum. When they're done with all their fun. Gary licks his grandmum's c~m.

   The jig is up. A double entendre meaning the niqqer is se#ually aroused.

   I WENT AND PUT MY SYMPTOMS ON WEB MD. TURN OUT I HAVE GARY BUSEY DISEASE .

   One more! Walmart just took a dump all over the M*G* losers by announcing over $6 billion in investments in Mexico this year — despite Trump's promise that his tariffs would force companies back to the US. Hardy har har har 😂

   Pikachu puked all over my grandmother