Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Jeeziz, Koenig. Toss the stale '70s joke book already, you cheese merchant.

   Hey, Houston fans claiming the refs decided the game against Florida... you lost fair and square. The Gators got called for 2 technical fouls. 2!!! And you think there was bias?

   The Dow is down. Not the stocks, Tony Dow from Leave It To Beaver.

   Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

   I got kinda excited when this young woman said that she was interested in me….. she was doing research on the elderly.

   I just love Chinese food. My favorite dish is number 27.

   I dont know who baby daddy need to hear this but Walmart got Mother’s Day cards in 4 packs

   Next time you go to Cedar Point and ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and tell the person in front of you, “Dude, these came out of your seat

   I guess CVS is going green. This morning's receipt for cough drops was only 27 inches long

   Does extra virgin olive come with a comic book subscription?

   It's so hot, the late Jack Kevorkian's suicide machine was turned into a Slurpee machine...

   If you buy all your horse tack from Amazon is it considered a Mail-Order Bridle?

   If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine's Day I'd put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink or dessert. Then I'd sit back and watch the madness unfold at every table.

   Then of course there's the jury of HIS peers, finding him liable for sexually abusing advice columnist E. Jean Carroll in 1996. Can't forget about that one. Then of course, there's him being the worst "president" in the history of the United States....

   It's a tie in the race for the world's biggest whackoffs between the Dum-o-Crat and GaryKoenig

   Ummm, "world's" not "world's. You forgot the second quotation mark. Nice attempt though.

   DON'T TOUC- my tax dollars, which were not intended for your pet projects and the corrupt, virtue-signaling Socialists who spew the garbage you all take as gospel. It’s not a slush fund and a money laundering operation through left-wing NGO's to make po

   M^G^ losers are going to be so broke after these tariffs kick in they're gonna have to start renting the libs instead of owning them. Ya'll must be worried about those trailer park rents as well 🤭

   The clitoris has 1000 nerve endings. And it's still not as sensitive as the cuck here who apparently feels extremely threatened by Canada 😂

   The reason gas prices have fallen is not positive. Oil prices and Treasury yields fell because there are concerns about economic growth going forward. If a person knew the first thing about economics, they would understand this, moron.