Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.

   If I truly posted what was on my mind, I'd most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.

   I didn't even realize how broke I was until someone stole my identity and it ruined their life.

   I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping my gas.

   Donald Trump is an idiot

   For the first time ever in CNN's polling, a majority disapprove of Trump on the economy. And it's a clear majority: 56%. It's begun.

   What game do you wanna play... 'B@lls on Chin?' The only words spoken by the pedoprez in 3 months to his son Barron 😂

   Then there was the blind prostitute. You really gotta hand it to her....

   No tax on tips, OT, and SSI…but the Left says no. If Biden had tried this they’d cream their non binary panties in joy.

   Hi

   If you miss a payment on a Tesla it can just drive itself back to the dealership

   Elon Musk just threw a whiny temper tantrum after ACTUAL man Governor Tim Walz mocked Tesla stock for crashing due to backlash against his stupid bullsh*t hahaha

   Marriage tip: If your wife is slumming it around the house, just use your "Male-dominated voice" to tell her to get up, and get to work. She will respect you, and get up and do her job.

   it too much to ask that they let me know I typed my password incorrectly BEFORE I click on all the pictures that have sidewalks?

   Why are medication side effects always negative things? Why is it never a side effect that this medication may make you better at math or may cause extreme sexiness. Why is it never a side effect that you get smarter or can more easily learn French

   I wish there was a way to turn bad books back into trees.

   I was watching a TV show on the top ten ways to avoid a shark attack. I was shocked to hear that "stay out of the water" wasn't number one.

   Yes,but Where on Eileen ?

   Nothing like a hot bowl of beef stew on a cold, smowy night.

   DOGE claims to have found mountains of fraud, yet NO ONE has been indicted for the crime of fraud. It's almost like Elon is 100% full of s