Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6 of 6373
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Your handwriting is just your hand’s accent.
←Rate |
07-23-2022 23:29
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
We often clean our homes when people are coming over so we can maintain the façade of a clean house that we’ve seen from going to other people’s homes who clean their house to maintain the façade of having a clean house.
←Rate |
01-13-2023 02:23
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
←Rate |
01-07-2023 12:58
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
My wife and I do this role play, where she tells me all the things that need to be fixed around the house and I pretend this is the first time I’m hearing about it. 😂
←Rate |
01-23-2023 03:04
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Wife just told me that her birthday is tomorrow. Wow, like maybe more of a heads-up next time.
←Rate |
06-19-2022 02:39
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
When you want to help people, you tell the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.
←Rate |
06-24-2022 23:15
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
There are some incredibly dumb people in this world. Thank you for helping me understand that.
←Rate |
01-23-2023 03:49
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Someone should’ve tried domesticating bears 10,000 years ago. We really missed the mark with that one. Could be cuddled up with a bear right about now, but whatever.
←Rate |
01-09-2023 03:40
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Child: I learned a joke at school. Me: Okay, let’s hear it. Child: What goes in stiff, but comes out soft? Me: Child: Me: Child: Me: Is it a- Wife comes running in from another room: IT’S SPAGHETTI! SPAGHETTI!
←Rate |
01-13-2023 02:20
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil; your life might be easier, but your children’s won’t.
←Rate |
01-10-2023 02:21
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
You’re not really supposed to do this, but this is what I do. Me: Training a new person at work.
←Rate |
06-21-2022 22:44
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Anyone can have a wank under a sheet, but it takes skill to do it without the hairdresser noticing.
←Rate |
06-28-2022 23:47
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
←Rate |
07-23-2022 23:27
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Security at every level of the airport is insane, until you get to the baggage claim. Then it’s like, take whatever bag you want. 😂
←Rate |
01-24-2023 00:14
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
The Girl Scouts are just a cookie company that gets away with child labor.
←Rate |
04-20-2022 02:02
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Hello, 911? The oldies station is playing the Backstreet Boys again.
←Rate |
01-06-2023 18:08
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I don’t understand why people buy wipes for eyeglasses. I’m confused. Wait, hold up. How many of you just use your shirttail like a real person?
←Rate |
01-04-2023 02:37
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
CDC: Covid is more deadly when people are obese. Gov: “Close The Gyms!”
←Rate |
01-08-2023 14:40
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Our power went down for nearly 4 hours. I got hungry, panicked and almost resorted to cannibalism. You guys are lucky the power came back on when it did, because some of you look delicious.
←Rate |
01-04-2023 02:39
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.
←Rate |
01-09-2023 03:08
Comments (0)