Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I can memorize twenty song lyrics before I can memorize one answer to a question on a test -_-

   Oh I'm sorry, did you say something? I tend to go deaf when I'm in the presence of bullsh!t.

   I will start watching Big Brother when they let Amanda Knox move in.

   What kind of jerk would put a cat in a bag? I'm just so relieved it's out.

   Science Schmience. I think they've got it backwards. Birds don't fly south for the winter, they fly north for the summer. Nyah!

   Watching Nat geographic channel all day, I now know how not to smuggle drugs across our border and how to Breakout of jail if I'm locked up abroad.

   I think things did not work out between us because we both loved the same person; I loved you and you loved yourself.

   Having too many friends on facebook is like operating a junk infected e-mail account

   The two best days of school are the first and the last.

   I've spent a small fortune on dog toys and the he's outside chewing on a cardboard box.

   Friends: Just because I ask you to go somewhere or do something doesn't mean I'm offering to pay your share of it.

   Mothers of Teenagers Know Why Animals Eat Their Young

   whenever I see a guy that looks better then me, I immediately get intimadated that he's gonna take all the girls from me, but later I find out there not into girls. so, it all works out."

   DAMN! Its a preview of Hell outside today!!!

   wondering if I'll ever be mature enough to stop laughing at the word "duty".

   Thanks to Facebook, I no longer check breaking news, celebrity obituaries or wonder what the current weather is like.

   The WHO has declared the flu pandemic officially over. It's good news but I'm not sure I trust Roger Daltry.

   Have you heard about that online origami store? It folded.

   Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

   You can get more things accomplished with a kind word and a gun, then just a kind word alone, "Al Copone"