Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 144 of 6383
They told me I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic, but so far I’ve made two jugs and a vase!
←Rate |
10-11-2018 06:26
Comments (3)
Don't accept any friend requests from Taco Bell.. they're nacho friends
←Rate |
10-15-2018 21:12
Comments (0)
They say you're not supposed to go to the grocery store when you're hungry. It's been several days now, what should I do?
←Rate |
01-09-2017 15:21
Comments (0)
Establish dominance by telling your doctor that you need to lose weight before he tells you that you need to lose weight
←Rate |
03-28-2017 12:46
Comments (0)
I get tired of all the drama of family getting mad and running out the door every Thanksgiving! I believe a man is allowed to watch football naked in his own house!
←Rate |
11-22-2012 18:00 by
Comments (0)
For those of you that think that Jimmy Kimmel is a champion of women’s rights feel free to watch some “Man Show” reruns
←Rate |
10-17-2017 18:17 by cpaman
Comments (3)
When he was told Sanders was stepping down, Joe Biden congratulated him on all that great chicken.
←Rate |
04-09-2020 07:48 by TimS.
Comments (1)
Five years investigating Trump’s taxes and Biden owes 500k. Lol
←Rate |
10-02-2021 14:06
Comments (0)
Walmart has announced that all normal looking people will now have to pay admission to enter the store
←Rate |
05-02-2012 08:08
Comments (0)
The local orphanage called and asked for a donation. So I sent over two of my neighbor's kids.
←Rate |
02-10-2012 07:11 by XX-FOXY
Comments (0)
If my psychiatrist said "There's really nothing more I can do for you", that means I'm cured right??
←Rate |
03-14-2017 02:43
Comments (1)
It's so cold outside, I just accidentally keyed someone's car with my nipples.
←Rate |
01-01-2018 07:02
Comments (0)
I can't believe California hasn't figured out that all they have to do is ban wildfires
←Rate |
08-11-2018 03:33
Comments (1)
That's so weird. I told her to calm down and it had the exact opposite effect...
←Rate |
08-14-2015 15:27 by eengrms
Comments (0)
Roses are red, they go in a bucket, they cost 60 bucks so you'd better...
←Rate |
02-14-2016 15:17 by John Y
Comments (0)
Sometimes I buy enormous pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
←Rate |
05-10-2016 01:15
Comments (0)
Happy hour leads to several hours of lying on the floor talking to my dog.
←Rate |
05-12-2018 12:50
Comments (0)
Russia has been accused of using Facebook to win an election. That's probably the most productive thing ever done on Facebook.
←Rate |
05-19-2018 08:17
Comments (0)
Dating Tip: if she says she likes cats, push her plate off the table.
←Rate |
05-22-2018 07:50
Comments (0)
So you took pictures of fireworks tonight? Post all 50 of them- we really want to see!
←Rate |
07-04-2018 23:13
Comments (0)