Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   sometimes I find hope at the bottom of a bottle of vodka.

   1852 was a great year, they found the cure for stupidity .... a smith and wesson

   "Money cannot buy you happiness but id rather cry in my ferrari...."

   The BP president said that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine'

   There are two sides to every argument, but I don't have time to listen to yours.

   So where are all the "Save the Gulf" concerts? We can send bjillions to Haiti but forget the working folks in the Gulf, eh?

   I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

   Thinks that Miss Universes Sex Tape was the Answer to World Peace.

   Life is too complicated in the morning.

   not a 'geek'. He's an 'intellectual bad ass', thank you very much.

   As a young child Bell, Biv, Devoe taught me the most important life lesson----Never trust a big butt and a smile....that girl is poison

   There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.

   starting a facebook anonymous group to help people with their Fb addiction...we will meet 6 times a day right here on Fb...anyone interested?

   I have a sudden urge to go skiing........water skiing......in the Caribbean

   ELECTION DAY UPDATE: I just had some pizza and a soda.

   Could you imagine the conversation between an owl and Mike Jones?!

   In the past, when you were angry with someone you argued with them. Now you just delete them off Facebook!

   Me and a friend have been texting "LOL" back and forth for the last 10 min. Neither 1 of us have anything else to say but don't want to be the rude one not to text back!

   If you're happy and you know it...share your meds.

   It's a good thing I have Facebook. Otherwise I'd be doing something dumb right now like being efficient at my job.