Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hide inside your friend’s toothpaste tube to give them a mysterious minty fresh surprise.

   Grown men who call their parents mommy and daddy can kill you with their bare hands and won’t even say a cuss word while they’re doing it.

   Fauci recommends stopping spread of Monkeypox by covering eyes, ears and mouth.

   Do you remember Jan. 6th last year? Yeah, 2.19 a gallon.

   LGBTQ=Lets Get Biden To Quit !

   Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up.

   There is no such thing as having too much cheese.

   If you happen to see an FBI agent wearing one of Melania’s dresses, post a photo of him.

   Sorry friend, but your latest post didn't gargle Zuckerberg's balls.

   A donation of 14 billion has been made to eastern Europe in your name. Thanks.

   There are only two genders, male and female. The rest are mental disorders.

   For the immediate future I think we should show Coffee some respect and stop calling it a "Cup of Joe."

   If Biden is the answer, how stupid is the question?

   You get prosecuted for refusing to wear a mask on a plane, but they can intimidate supreme court justice’s families and will be celebrated. This is how you know we are living under a regime.

   The only supply chain Biden won’t disrupt, the flow of drugs at our southern border.

   People are running away from Netflix and Disney by the millions. Go woke, go broke.

   If we have zero percent inflation, why do we need an Inflation Reduction Act?

   “We just want to be treated like normal people,” says the Drag Queen twerking in front of a bunch of toddlers.

   Me: My 401k is crushed I can’t afford food or gas. Biden: (licking ice cream cone) “Best economic recovery in history, Jack.”

   Don’t let anyone else ruin your day. It’s YOUR day, ruin it yourself.