Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kids today are soft, I died once when I was five and my mom made me walk it off.

   There once was a chap named Joe Biden, some think he’s as old as Poseidon. His panicking staff, locked the lord of the gaffe, in a basement where he is still hidin’.

   “We just want to be treated like normal people,” says the Drag Queen twerking in front of a bunch of toddlers.

   If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.

   A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.

   Don’t forget to feed your girlfriend every couple of hours or it gets cranky.

   If you watch my life backwards, I’m a weight watchers success story.

   Welcome to Oregon, tampons are in every boy’s bathrooms.

   If Biden is the answer, how stupid is the question?

   You don’t need drugs to get high when you’ve got a 42-foot articulated bucket truck.

   Gas prices hit a new record high and Biden cancelled lease sales for oil and gas on more than a million acres on the same day.

   the FBI going to raid the house of the reporter who published the Alito opinion? Or is that just reserved for the reporters who got Ashley Biden’s diary.

   Do you remember Jan. 6th last year? Yeah, 2.19 a gallon.

   Silver Alert: Elderly white male, early dementia, yells “C’mon Man!”

   Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool.

   Does anyone know how long you can put chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.

   The left is like, I paid $7.00 for gal. gas, $8.00 for gal. milk, rent is twice my monthly income, there’s shortages of everything, crime is surging, the world’s on the brink of chaos, but I’m happy because Trump isn’t in office.

   Dear leftists, you just spent the last two years fighting against the concept of body autonomy, take it down a notch.

   If you’re shorter than 4 foot your pronouns are, eeny-meeny-miny-moe.

   If you’re taller than 6 foot, your pronouns are fi-fi-fo-fum.