Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

   #whoremembers ~ If you read that as whore members, we’re probably friends.

   Monkeypox & the 11 people who still believe the media.

   Go ahead and get that tattoo, your family is already disappointed.

   From now on, we’ll be referring to Corona Virus as Kung-Flu or Sweet and Sour Sicken.

   How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.

   If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

   Audit finds half of Joe Biden’s Twitter followers are fake.

   I just want someone to laugh at my jokes the way that Kamala laughs at questions she can’t answer.

   Did you notice that gender reveal parties disappeared? Now we wait and let the kindergarten teachers decide.

   Dad: You have your mother’s eyes. Me: (huge black eye)

   Help wanted - Nobody wants to twerk anymore.

   Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman… or a bad woman.

   In a world full of hate, Be Kind.

   Truth ~ only visible to those who question everything that they have been taught to believe.

   My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

   Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.

   What do you call a mentally disabled person in a fancy suit?-Mr.President.

   Martian: “Take us to your leader.” Me: No! You wouldn’t believe it.

   Expecting truth from corporate media is like expecting love from a prostitute. That’s not why they exist.