Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

   What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.

   You know what horror game enemies need? Big boobs. I mean a real set of badonkers, that would be frightening.

   When you pee in a pop bottle and give it to someone and say, “ here, try this smello yellow.”

   It’s not Musk’s yet: Twitter unveils new censorship tools.

   Life hack: Hung over at work? Set up a ladder and take a nap at the bottom. If you’re caught, you can claim that you fell and got knocked out.

   Sir, we don’t sell guns here. Can I interest you in one of our various cordless hole punchers?

   If I choke to death on gummy bears I hope people will just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

   Just for fun, everybody post a picture of your moustache. Get your husbands to join in too.

   Next week has been exhausting.

   Elon showed the world that Twitter is not a business. It is a fraudulent front for mass information control.

   Just because they pull up next to you doesn’t mean they want to race. But better safe than be a loser.

   The best response is always followed by a saucy wink.

   Describe your boobs using only a picture of them.

   Bucket list: Extra crispy, a side of cheesy fries and whipped cream gravy.

   If smoking is so bad, why does it cure salmon.

   6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.

   2020 ~ 2022 Written by Stephen King, Directed by Quinten Tarantino, Soundtrack by Yoko Ono.

   Life is fork, I am soup

   On a date with my crush, trying so hard not to fart.