Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 77 of 6384
You take the blue pill, the election ends, you wake up in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you dispute the fraud and I show you how deep the rabbit hole really goes.
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01-06-2023 18:51
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Old computer games couldn’t be won, they just got harder and faster until you died. Just like in real life.
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01-06-2023 18:40
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Places finger on cop’s lips ~ “Shhh…. We were both speeding, okay? I forgive you.”
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01-06-2023 18:28
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You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.
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01-06-2023 18:19
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Hello, 911? The oldies station is playing the Backstreet Boys again.
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01-06-2023 18:08
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The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
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01-06-2023 17:52
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I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag..
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01-06-2023 04:42
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Cop jokes AREN'T FUNNY. So give it arrest..
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01-06-2023 04:41
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My supervisor said I'm worth my weight in gold so I'm eating these donuts to increase my value.
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01-06-2023 04:38
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Now I can't find my "Gone in 60 Seconds" DVD. It was here a minute ago.
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01-06-2023 04:37
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Grandkids just watched Cujo for the first time. Guess who’s putting shaving cream around the dogs mouth later?
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01-06-2023 04:36
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You could have done so much better than him.” Me: Mom, hello I'm right here..
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01-06-2023 04:35
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Avoid office small talk by maintaining that facial expression between first sneeze and second sneeze.
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01-06-2023 04:31
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My doctor says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body helps prevent cellulite. Apparently, you can’t do it in Starbucks. And now the cops are here…..
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01-06-2023 04:29
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If someone doesn’t reply to my text I can only assume they have fallen down a well and will get back to me as soon as they can
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01-06-2023 04:26
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When you’re tired of your cat showing you it’s butthole so you show it yours.
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01-06-2023 02:08
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It’s called gross pay, because it’s disgusting to see what you could’ve made.
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01-06-2023 01:58
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Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
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01-06-2023 01:48
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Don’t you hate it when you ask someone what time it is and they’re not wearing a watch, but they look at their wrist anyway and say, “it’s about a hair past a freckle.”
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01-06-2023 01:39
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If you had a scratch and sniff map of the world, what would your current location smell like?
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01-06-2023 01:31
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