Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 74 of 6384
sed my dog’s shampoo and now my leg kicks while I’m brushing my hair
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01-08-2023 16:59
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told my aunt I love cooking with my Instapot, and judging by these edible recipes she just sent me she may have misunderstood.
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01-08-2023 16:59
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I’ve been asked why I like dogs more than people. Short answer: My dog has never included me in a group text.
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01-08-2023 16:59
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The very first thing my 3yo daughter said to me this morning was “I know how to start a fire!” so nothing you guys say today can scare me.
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01-08-2023 16:59
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Whenever I see Chris Hemsworth in a movie I just assume it’s a Thor sequel I never got around to seeing
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01-08-2023 16:58
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I use my rear windshield wiper mainly to show off that I have a car with a rear windshield wiper.
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01-08-2023 16:58
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If you get the Wordle in 5 while a toddler is screaming at you it counts as getting the Wordle in 1.
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01-08-2023 16:57
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Just watched a documentary on the history of Laxatives.. I'll admit, it was very moving.
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01-08-2023 16:56
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90’s Psychopath = 2020’s Gender fluid mainstream progressive.
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01-08-2023 16:32
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Twitter files released. MSM: “What files? ~ Space Man Bad”
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01-08-2023 16:19
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When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.
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01-08-2023 15:25
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It’s called a joke, we used to tell them before people got drunk on soymilk.
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01-08-2023 15:07
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When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you’re telling the world you fear what he might say.
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01-08-2023 14:50
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CDC: Covid is more deadly when people are obese. Gov: “Close The Gyms!”
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01-08-2023 14:40
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Doctor Doggo: “Hmmm…. I see. Have you tried barking at nothing? That might help.”
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01-08-2023 12:09
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Hey Lay's Potato Chips, you forgot to list "air" under the ingredients... thanks for nothing!
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01-08-2023 07:42
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30 years later and millions of Cabbage Patch Kids still have no clue they were adopted.
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01-08-2023 07:37
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Husband’s at Costco and sending me pics of beef stroganoff in a pouch. That’s enough excitement for one night.
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01-08-2023 07:06
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My landlord is pissed off at me for being naked in the front yard…and now he just asked me to leave his cookout.
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01-08-2023 07:02
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I don’t wanna last longer in bed, I got post coital jokes.
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01-08-2023 07:02
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