Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 67 of 6384
I have 2 dozen Large eggs , will trade for a New Snowmobile or Small truck
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01-17-2023 19:02
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Will trade toilet paper for eggs.
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01-16-2023 23:00
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Marriage tip 101: It is very important that your wife understands Commandment Number 1 in regards to marriage: "Thou shalt not nag". As soon as she understands this, she will grow in her duties and responsibilities as a wife.
How do you politely tell a wannabe model on Instagram she is fat?
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01-14-2023 14:37
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When I die, I want a crank on the side of my casket that plays the Jack-in-the-Box song just to see who has the guts to crank it.
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01-13-2023 09:46
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You’ve attempted to log into your online subscription of Psychology Today, please prove you’re not an imposter.
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01-13-2023 05:16
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Why are they called bangs and not a hangover?
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01-13-2023 05:15
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The idea of a fight club with rules is ridiculous. My fight club can’t even keep track of the snack chart.
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01-13-2023 05:15
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If I hug you for more than 3 seconds, I’m probably picking your pockets.
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01-13-2023 05:14
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If you think the astronauts on the space station are getting on your nerves, imagine how annoyed they are with each other
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01-13-2023 05:13
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Ah yes, well, the laws of quantum mechanics” is what I’m going to start saying, very pretentiously, when someone says something I don’t understand.
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01-13-2023 05:13
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I need the type of burger that you’d hide from your life insurance company
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01-13-2023 05:12
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Can’t believe there was a time someone had to make me take a nap.
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01-13-2023 05:12
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i could never be president. I'm overqualified.
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01-13-2023 05:12
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Cougar Area: Please stay on trails, travel in small groups and do not allow men under 30 to travel alone.
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01-13-2023 04:22
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When I see chocolate, I hear two voices in my head. One says, “eat the chocolate.” The other says, “you heard me right, eat it.”
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01-13-2023 04:18
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Pro Tip: If you drink enough beer, your Tinder date starts to look like their profile picture.
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01-13-2023 04:16
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Stop calling yourself hot; the only thing you turn on is the microwave.
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01-13-2023 04:13
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If I went to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn’t at work.
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01-13-2023 04:11
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What’s up cake? Muffin much.
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01-13-2023 04:09
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