Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   bit another finger trying to eat way too many french fries at once

   The political correctness has gone mad. I can't even refer to my child as "my disabled son". Apparently the correct term is "daughter"!?!?

   True Fact: Economic analysts find that the unemployment rate remains at a standstill due to Ryan Seacrest's many job acquisitions within the past several years

   Needs a weekend for my weekend

   Opportunity knocked, but by the time I took off the chain, pushed back the bolt, unhooked two locks and shut off the alarm, it was too late..

   this may sound crazy but I got head on my mind ;)

   They call us the Febreze Brothers because we are so fresh!!

   Here is to another nite I'm not going to remember..

   ...just heard that Britney told E! that Paris doesn't have a problem with drugs. isn't that like asking Chester Cheetah if the Cookie Monster has a problem with carbs...

   ahhh! The life of an overworked Zombie

   One of life's purest joys is discovering that something has pockets.

   Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale.

   It's My late night and I Forgot to bring my lunch and dinner to work with me. My "things I would do for a Klondike bar" list, is rapidly starting to grow!

   The most difficult foreign language to learn is 'Ozzy Osbourne'. I think they make a Rosetta Stone version for that.

   ...Singer Morrisey says Chinese are a “subspecies.” Sorry I'd write more but there's a subspecies at my door with my dinner

   Some people like to "cuddle," some prefer to "spoon," I rather "spork" ..... think about it, it will come to you.

   magine yourself as you would like to be, doing what you want to do,and each day, take one step towards your dream. And though at times it may seem too difficult to continue, hold on to your dream.One morning you will awake to find that you are the person

   Good God...WHAT'S the problem with telling someone "I'm SO miserable without you it's almost like having you here?" LOL-sheesh! ;)

   DON'T put a question mark where GOD has put a period. ;)

   ALL relationships require compromise and giving and sacrificing ur way for the sake of others. You can't have ur way ALL the time and expect to have fulfilling relationships. ;)