Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering how much you would do for a klondike bar.

   You know those intense unexplained pains you get sometimes? You deserve those.

   I don't like to think of death as losing someone...i like to think of it as gaining a ghost!!

   I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower but with me in it.

   I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.

   How busy can you actually be if you just took the time to change your online status to say so?

   Never be ashamed of who you are. Be ashamed of who you pretend to be.

   I THINK MY WIFE THINKS I'M TO NOSEY AND ALWAYS IN OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS. I AM SURE SHE FEELS THAT WAY BECAUSE I READ IT IN HER DIARY......

   The guy that did Super Size Me should of done it during Monopoly month.

   All of my passwords are "incorrect" so my computer always tells me if I forget.

   I am pretty sure that my cute neighbor thinks that I am a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook, Twitter and in her diary.

   What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.

   Some women need to learn that "about average" isn't in the 5'5", 175 lbs range!

   I know KARATE and like 2 other japanese words.

   There is Breast Cancer, be Aware of it.......There! Doesn't that promote Breast Cancer Awareness a lot better than writing the name of a Fruit or the Colour of your Bra as your Facebook status?!?

   A lock of Justin Bieber's hair is on auction on ebay current bid at 10,000 $ no wonder the worlds gone to the dogs

   there is a thin line between love and hate....and I'd like to pick up that line and strangle you with it.......

   My FB account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.

   Ever notice how unaware people are of the world around them? No?

   If Facebook goes out of business, we should all exchange phone numbers and mailing addresses.