Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5 of 6374
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That awkward moment when you realize even Hitler found his soulmate, yet you can't even seem to find that last bag of potato chips in the cabinet.
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05-05-2024 07:51 by Jas
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I went to the grocery store today and the cashier said my total was $208.47. I wanted a second opinion so I went to self checkout and my new total was $43.20.
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I just realized why this month is called May. It may rain, it may snow, it may be 70 degrees or it may be 20 degrees.
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I ask you , who Hasn't drank a bottle of fireball then went down the park slide naked at least once your honor ?
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05-02-2024 18:01
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I can handle most things in life. But hearing someone chew their food is not one of them.
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Shout-out to everyone lying in bed just scrolling on their phone.
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If you ever meet a girl that admits she's wrong, apologizes, and changes her ways, dump her because she might be a man. Women don't do that.
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she is never yours, its just your turn.
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All these galaxies and planets and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.
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When your phone dies and you realize you're jealous
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I'm very angry because I wasn't wearing my glasses at the store and I bought curry powder instead of the saffron I needed. I'll make use of it; I'm just mad about saffron.
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04-26-2024 17:07
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Likes his own stuff and not funny
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04-26-2024 16:08
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I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower but I am trying to stay positive.
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Those who dismiss progressive rock as being pretentious are most likely part of the crowd that only knows 3 chords.
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04-24-2024 17:19
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Bugs Bunny won't accept files through Google Drive. He'll only accept a WhatsApp doc.
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04-24-2024 07:13
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There are people who think the moon landings were staged, the holocaust never happened and the earth is flat. Yet they hang on every word on the message found inside a fortune cookie.
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04-24-2024 03:40
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Somethings in life I’ll never understand, like how there could be a group on Facebook called Facebookers Anonymous, thats like walking into an open bar where their holding an AA meeting.
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04-23-2024 16:19
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While you're cheering for your favorite NFL team in a publicly funded stadium, how about publicly funding some disadvantaged child's school lunch?
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Whatever you got to do today, do it with the confidence of a 4yr old in a Batman cape.
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I need to stop talking to myself. I'm a bad influence.