Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   MTV is 30 today, which is the same age the '16 And Pregnant' girls will be when they first become grandmothers.

   he thought he a chigger bite on his leg. I had to correct him and tell him they prefer to be called chegros now......

   Have you ever notice that Frances' police car sirens sound like gay guys have a threesome xD

   Real conversation I just heard ::: "oh hey grill how you doin'?!" -- "good, you" -- " good, where you working at now?" -- "oh, you know 'no where!'" --- "oh girl, dats the best job to have."

   The toughest activity of a week starts right from Monday morning....its called "Waking Up"

   Did you ever see one of them chicks who looked like they put all their make up on a dirty concrete floor and just dove face 1st into it?

   If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least 4 hours but a food shortage after..LOL

   Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.

   I try to get out of my car with my seatbelt still on far more than any person should,

   My favorite colors are Grey Goose & Red Bull.

   I sleep naked so if there's some sort of emergency I immediately make it sexy.

   Turns out, "Cowboys & Aliens" is NOT about Arizona's immigration laws.

   If it bothers you when I stare and drool, than dont display them!!!

   I hope you are as good with your lips as you are good with your words!

   If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else ... And Seek Counseling.

   My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

   I'm not overconfident. My low self-esteem is at an all-time high!

   Aug 1st- today is the beginning of my 12 step program. Step one, get another beer!

   My mom knew I was a wild child the day I was born when I used my umbilical cord to bungie jump!

   If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least 4 hours.