Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've got no status update right now. But thanks for taking the time out to read this status update about not having a status update!

   Just when I'm happy to be alive, The Connors comes on.

   Just when I'm feeling proud to be an American, The Connors comes on.

   My fiancee keeps asking, "Are you even listening to me?" Which is a really strange way to start a conversation

   Bars are opening but patrons are wearing masks. It is the era for ugly people with nice bodies to get laid.

   What's up with Chicanos putting cheese on apple pie? Asking for a gringo. 🥧

   If we continue wearing these masks for another year kids will start to think that a nose is a private part

   It rained here in Arizona today, but it was a dry rain.😛

   Someone told me they never understood the concept of cloning, I replied "That makes two of us"

   I love reading books that are based on real events but spiced up with a little fiction to keep your interest, kinda like people's Facebook posts.

   An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure so wear a mask. Benjamin Franklin,

   Worried about social distancing when you're out? Dress up as a clown and make it other people's problem

   I can't get a break. I bought a can of evaporated milk, opened it up...it was full.

   When I was a kid we were so poor I had dandruff flakes for breakfast.

   It's a beautiful (alluring, dazzling, gorgeous, magnificent, pulchritudinous, radiant, resplendent, splendid, stunning) day in the neighborhood. - Mr. Roget's Thesaurus

   19 people died in Chicago this week from Covid-related gunshot wounds. They will be voting by mail.

   I prefer to take my quarantine recommendations from scientists, not the guy with 3 teeth and a beer-stained wife beater.

   Love when I take the time to type out a long text message to a friend and they reply with "K"

   . Looks like the FNC reporters drank some Folgers and finally woke up.

   I dream of a world where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.