Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 449 of 6446

It's a tough job being the family disappointment but I put in lots of overtime
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06-30-2020 05:25
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If you don't like wearing a face mask the next time you go in for surgery don't forget to tell your surgeon to take off their mask as it won't protect them.
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06-30-2020 00:38
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The Illuminati have planted facial recognition cameras everywhere and the only way to stop them from tracking your every movment is by wearing a mask over your face. Tell everyone!!
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06-30-2020 00:26
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I bet Pavlov felt like feeding the dogs every time a bell rang
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06-29-2020 17:56 by Rickster
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Stuff your mask with M&Ms so you can eat them all day long like a horse
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06-29-2020 17:55 by Rickster
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Revenge is a dish best served eventually
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06-29-2020 17:55 by Rickster
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Just watching the news who said "The coronavirus is affecting the most dense populated aria's" but think they meant to say "densely" but maybe not.
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06-29-2020 17:45
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For some reason I have a feeling that I might have told you this joke about Deju Vu before.
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06-29-2020 12:36 by moon
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Dieting is when you eat foods that make you sad and leave feeling hungry still.
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06-29-2020 11:45
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My neighbor's daughter came up to me and asked, "Do you know you have a skeleton inside you?" I said, "Yes, Rebecca. I do!" She goes, "Is he mean?"
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06-29-2020 11:10 by Fazzy
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Let’s join our hands together and pray for my husband who very tragically compared me to my mother.
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06-29-2020 10:01
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i’m really getting my money’s worth on rent this year
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06-29-2020 10:01
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I’m the type of person who thinks he lost his keys while driving his car
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06-29-2020 10:00
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The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the street the sh*t is placed.
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06-29-2020 09:59
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[first day as an Orderly] *gets fired for disorderly conduct*
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06-29-2020 09:58
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My husband is so not into sex, he thinks foreplay is a golf term.
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06-29-2020 09:57
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My kids were helping me clean & then they asked what their reward would be. Um how about you continue to live here?
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06-29-2020 09:56
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I’d probably be on time more often if I had an alarm clock that yelled, “Pancakes are ready!”
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06-29-2020 09:55
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2020 has really changed me, but not completely. For example, I haven’t showered in 3 days, but I still silently judge stinky people
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06-29-2020 09:55
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Raisins are just grapes pretending not to be past their “sell by” date
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06-29-2020 09:55
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