Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 432 of 6446

I have no clue what's open or closed anymore. I just walk towards automatic doors, and if my face hits the glass I turn around and go home...
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08-06-2020 09:49 by Gabe
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Don't be an anti-semite, be a yo-semite.
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08-06-2020 08:18
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Just broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
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08-05-2020 23:01
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Everyone is wearing masks & school starts back soon....the teachers are gonna sound like Charlie Brown's teacher....wah wah wah
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08-05-2020 18:21 by Eddy
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"So!..where should we store 2,750 tons of high explosive for years on end?" "Just use that warehouse next to the firework factory, should be ok!"
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08-05-2020 15:16 by Truman
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Can you imagine being a speechwriter and having to anticipate that the President of the United States might not know how to pronounce big words like “Yosemite.”
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08-04-2020 18:39
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Your gonna send your kid to school with a Paw Patrol mask and he’s gonna come home with a Spider-Man one cause he traded it at lunch. Next day the whole school will be shut down.

You know in the movie 'Jaws' when everyone is pissed the beaches are closed because the shark keeps killing people, and they know it's killing people, but they go to the beach anyways? This is what we're going through now.
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08-04-2020 09:29
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If all other countries are fighting the Coronavirus, while Trump is fighting the China Virus. Is he really lying when he says he doing the best?
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08-03-2020 20:34 by Joe
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If you want your food delivered faster by the delivery driver working in the middle of a pandemic with very little base pay and no benefits don't forget to tip!
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08-03-2020 11:28
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I don’t know which meme to get my news from today
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08-03-2020 08:11
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Paper jam is the least delicious of all preserves.
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08-03-2020 08:10
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Play Nickleback during my funeral. Because I want everyone who attends to really cry.
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08-03-2020 08:10
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Scrambled eggs are like regular eggs but their reception is terrible
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08-03-2020 08:09
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1977: stayin’ alive 2020: stayin’ alive
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08-03-2020 08:09
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The cardboard crowds are getting a little Rowdy at the game.
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08-03-2020 08:07
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My private part is like an electric eel. It's not super charged or anything. It's that women are afraid to go near it.
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08-02-2020 19:55 by Budtender
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Confucius say: "Young girl who go fishing with Biden come home with red snapper."
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08-02-2020 13:08 by MigdaGwig
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If you won the lottery, would you mail in the ticket? Or would you go in person? Why is that? (Remember this when you go vote.)
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08-02-2020 08:47
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I was raped in jail ! My friends take monopoly way too serious.
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08-02-2020 04:13
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