Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 418 of 6446

Portland Oregon is reported to have the worst air quality of any city in the world right now due to smoke. The question is, though: Is it smoke from forest fires or smoke from building fires?
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09-15-2020 19:18
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Breonna Taylor's family should have collected the 12 million from her drug pushing, boyfriend's family who fired at the officers first.
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09-15-2020 18:45
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When a cop gets killed in the line of duty, people say "Well, he knew the job was dangerous when he took it." Why can't we use that same logic on criminals who get shot by cops? "Well, he knew if he committed a crime he might get shot....."
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09-15-2020 18:43
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i’ve always wanted to be a whistleblower but unfortunately I don’t know anything
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09-15-2020 15:15
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I’m 45 yrs old. I have never turned on a flashlight without making the lightsaber noise
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09-15-2020 15:14
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I’m trying to get a rotisserie chicken home before it gets cold I don’t have time for suspicious lights in the sky
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09-15-2020 15:13
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Was folding laundry and accidentally folded myself into a shirt and gently tucked myself into the drawer and then softly closed it???
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09-15-2020 15:13
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He left his fantasy football open and I rearranged his line up by how hot the players are. That’s how the fight started
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09-15-2020 15:13
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Amazon has been approved for drone delivery. We now have skeet shooting with prizes.
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09-15-2020 15:12
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I just saw 9 homeless people giving each other flu shots under the overpass. What a caring community we live in.
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09-15-2020 09:12
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I gotta stop taking that Ambian for sleep. When I went to sleep we all agreed that Segregation was wrong. I woke up this morning and it’s ok again? What did I miss
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09-14-2020 16:47 by Lonnie
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Some of you never rooted for Godzilla and it shows.
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09-14-2020 15:51
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At this point, if Pennywise tries to lure me into the sewer, I’m going.
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09-14-2020 12:55
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The only thing I miss about going to the movies is smuggling in an entire 4 course meal
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09-14-2020 12:54
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Chewing sugarless gum instead of brushing your teeth is the dry shampoo of dental care
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09-14-2020 12:54
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Dear Cupid, Next time hit both.
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09-14-2020 12:53
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Neutering our dog was the best thing we ever did. Made him less nuts.
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09-14-2020 12:43 by DJJackson
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Feel bad for all the kids who probably won't be trick-or-treating this year, but just think of all the candy they'll be for 50% off the day after!
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09-14-2020 12:13
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Let's face it. The first thing a guy does after a woman accepts his friends request is look for bikini pics.
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09-14-2020 11:10
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Excited to be able to bet on the NFL again. I got money on the coronavirus shutting down the league in week3.