Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 41 of 6384
My cat died. But I know he'll forever live on in passwords.
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07-13-2023 12:39
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Sephora is my favorite place to fart.
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07-13-2023 12:25
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I'm trying to master the art of eating a powdered doughnut, without looking like I just got back from the White House
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07-13-2023 08:24
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I've beaten my addiction to Heroin, so Yay for eating soup with spoons again
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07-13-2023 00:19
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My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
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07-12-2023 14:02
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Mickey wouldn’t last 2 min in a Tom & Jerry episode
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07-12-2023 13:57
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Boomers. A generation of hypocrites who were anti-money and anti-government in their hippie days, but became the exact opposite when they got older.
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07-12-2023 12:35
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I’ve decided to raise my kids gender neutral. Not because I’m embracing any LGBTLMNOP agenda but more because I like buying stuff on sale.
Women to say one thing, but think something different. Don’t believe me? Women say Lizzo is amazing. Tell a woman she looks like Lizzo to see what she really thinks.
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07-10-2023 11:54
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My Guardian Angel gets Hazardous Duty Pay.
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07-09-2023 14:32
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I just vacuumed up a nickel and it sounded like the crescendo from Ride of The Valkyries.
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07-08-2023 10:22
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If I got a haircut and didn't post the selfie on social media, did I really get a haircut?
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07-07-2023 15:16
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I love my women like I love my Ikea furniture, cheap and missing a couple screws
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07-07-2023 08:15
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Hotels are keeping the shower cap industry afloat.
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07-07-2023 08:14
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Just once I want to see a highway raised by its loving biological parents.
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07-07-2023 08:13
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Wife asked me if I wanted to play Cornhole? I said inside or outside? She just turned and walked away.
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07-06-2023 18:21
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Live everyday as though its your last........ and one day, you'll be right.
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07-06-2023 12:03
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Parents who name their kids after celebrities from their youth are evil to date their children like that. Sincerely, Ringo Jagger
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07-06-2023 10:50
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I don’t think this is talked about enough but Airbnbs have led to there being too many cushions in the world.
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07-06-2023 08:26
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If climate change were a real threat, we would all simply open our doors and air condition the world. C’mon man.
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07-06-2023 08:26
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